Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
