I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
