I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
