did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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