The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize