dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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