The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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