Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
