yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry about my life...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
