When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
