Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How drunk are you?
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