my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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