we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
