New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
