Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
