There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
