thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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