that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
