I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
