Someone shit on the floor
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
