hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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