1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
