so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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