Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
that's an acceptable place to lick
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Still dying that you shit outside
be right there i have to get my cape
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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