You're my little dorito
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
