I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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