I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We need to rekindle our bromance
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
