just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
