my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
