I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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