Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
