He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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