really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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