yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
