I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
