I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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