If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
