My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
