why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
