It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
