My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
