Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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