pop tarts are not kleenex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
