I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
