If that was your dad, he is hot
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
