You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
