lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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