omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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