Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
