my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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