I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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