a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
