I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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