i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
