VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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