I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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