the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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