I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's Friday. Sex?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
