weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
