Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
