From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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