Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize