I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
