I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
