I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Ketchup is God's man juice
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
