The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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