it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
