When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
